February

I have a countdown widget on my phone to remind me that life is still worth living. February is a hard month because we're still in the dark days. And for me, dark days are especially dark.

Lately I've been feeling tired in a way that goes way beyond any ordinary fatigue or sleepiness. I'm so tired that I don't want to sleep. I want to be dead. The trouble with sleep is that after a while you have to wake up and I know for certain that I can't handle that. I won't stop being tired, and I'll just have to go around doing normal things, getting tireder and tireder. Working, eating, walking and talking. Thinking.

So I tell myself I just have to hang on. Only a few more days until we cruise, and then I'll get to charge up on all the sunshine I need. Will it last me past the cruise? I'm hoping so. I need to store up enough sun on our cruise to get me through the rest of these dark days of February.